The Shirt's Family 2013
Christmas Letter
written by Jeff
The preparations for Christmas came right in the middle of Jeff's finals, us moving from Utah to Idaho, and my attack of morning sickness. As a result this letter was written and many in the Shirt's clan sent out the Christmas letter but we never got to it.
Here you go everyone :)
Hopefully better late than never!
IT' S CHRISTMAS! IT'S CHRISTMAS! And you know what that
means! You are now facing all of your fears from last year. The Pudgy pushy
salesmen dressed as your favorite( or not so favorite) elf is pushing extended
warranties on everything from iPads to tweezers, the snow blower is more like
an asthmatic snow wheezer (maybe you should have listened to the pudgy elf last
year), and to top it all off the neighborhood carolers are multiplying and the
amount of Christmas Cheer as risen exponentially. It almost knocks you off your
feet BEFORE you open the door. Well fear no more. The Shirts Family Christmas
letter is here! It is full of new additions and pure unadulterated goodness, so
prepare yourself. You may need to strap yourself into the seat of your car in
order to protect yourself from the awesomeness coming your way.
Well let's begin with the most senior couple in the family,
Robert and Janet. They have been living
a life of endless bliss as they have watched their grandchildren grow up all big and such, and their children
as well, I guess. Their excitement has been punctuated by Robert being put in
the Stake Presidency, throwing javelins like a champion, trying to reenact the
antics of a young father whilst playing with the next generation of hooligans
his offspring have provided him ( with varying levels of success), all while
keeping his day job of whizzing around the area educating himself some
unsuspecting seminary teachers. Janet, on the other hand, hasn't been a slouch
this year either. She has helped many a pregnant woman pop out little bundles
of joy, spoiled her grandkids rotten (she now has all 4 within
striking/kidnapping distance. More on that in a minute.), and she managed to
sneak back into the states with a raging case of Montezuma's/pharaoh's revenge
that was given to her by a sweet unsuspecting bit of fruit while traversing the
jungles of Central America. She is also keeping up the tradition of demolishing
and rebuilding some portion of their abode every 4-5 years. This time it was their
sleeping and bathing chambers. And to top it all off they managed to corral the
whole family together and spend a week in Seaside, Oregon for a family Reunion.
How they did it is the stuff of legends.
One of those bundles of joy born to Kootenai Medical Center
this year was Lucas Parker Shirts. Yep, you guessed it! Addition #1 of 2013 came into the family on June 5th by
way of Jonathan and Carlee. Jonathan and Carlee's other escapades have included
steering their new swagger wagon (aka minivan) through the streets of North
Idaho to drop Mikenzy off at her various activities including, but not limited
to, preschool, kindergarten, soccer, and finding potential pet dog material.
All were successful except the last. The word on the street is that there is a
mischievous villain who is using his blinding ray gun to blind the parental
units to any possible potential candidates. We will continue following this
developing story. In other news, Lucas is quickly mastering his new body. He
has managed to gain control over most basic bodily functions and is well on his
way to becoming the next child genius. At that point he and Mikenzy will form a
crime fighting duo and solve the problem of the pet blocking villain. Jonathan
is still the master of the internet as he guides unsuspecting students through
the travails of gaining a fully accredited online degree from Western
Governor's University. At the same time Carlee has managed to exercise immense
control to keep their lives in perfect order, all while growing a new human.
Awards are in her future.
Michael and Janneke have also had their fair share of
noteworthy occurrences this year. It all
started on a smog filled afternoon in the Salt Lake Valley in late 2012.
Michael was also helping unsuspecting WGU students traverse the minefield of
higher education from his upstairs office, when all of the sudden he felt a change
in the winds. He immediately rushed down his 2.5 flights of stairs to inform
Janneke that they were going to be moving. Where? He did not know, but to his
surprise, Janneke had also felt the same change of the winds and had begun
packing their belongings into the private horde of diaper boxes they had
collected due to the ever increasing demands of 2 rambunctious boys,
Christopher, now aged 3 years and 8 months, and Benjamin, aged 1 year and 6
months. (If you are good at maths, you are probably trying to solve this
conundrum: "If Lucas was born in June, and it is now December, that means
he is 6 months old. Benjamin is 1 year and 6 months old. . .*head scratching
has begun*. . . that means. . ." FEAR NOT! As is
Shirts family tradition, they share the same birthday. Janneke and Jeff started
the trend, and naturally it had to continue. Now back to your regularly
scheduled programming.) Seeing that she was on the same page, they listed the
house for sale and 3 days later it was sold. Immediately( 3 months later) they packed
all their belongings and bought a new house with a yard of rocks in North
Idaho. Little did they know it was the matriarch of the family who was blowing
those winds of change, all so she could more easily spoil her precious
grandchildren. After moving they raked, and sifted their rock patch until many
tons of rocks were removed and it was deemed acceptable to sprout some grass
seeds. They also felt the need to get some swagger in their life so they
followed the eldest siblings example and bought a swagger wagon. The doting
grandparents have never been so proud.
And last, but certainly not least, it comes to Jeff. Or
should I say Jeff AND AMBER!! That's
right folks, the runt, I mean baby of the clan finally found someone to
tag along on his adventures, bringing Addition #2 to the family. They were
married June 8th in the Spokane Temple. ("WAIT!" , you say. "I
am no dummy.", you say. "If Lucas was born on the 5th and Jeff and
Amber were married on the 8th. . ." ) Calm yourself. It's ok. Lucas
decided that he needed a big entrance and many adoring fans, so he exercised
his impeccable planning abilities as a budding child genius and stole the show
by showing up right before the impending nuptials. Jeff and Amber welcomed the
distraction and seized the opportunity to head off to Island paradise. Without
the distraction, the marriage of their youngest child may have been too much
for the senior Shirts couple to handle, and Jeff and Amber would have never
made it out of the reception and onto the plane. But they did and all is well.
Since then they have gone back down to Provo for one last time, because by the
time most of you read this Jeff will have graduated from BYU with a degree in
Public Health! Amber, on the other hand, graduated in April and has been
putting her mad Chinese skills to good use at an elementary school Chinese Immersion program near Provo.
Those unsuspecting first and second graders still don't know what hit them.
After graduation the Shirts Clan will be reunited in North Idaho because Jeff
and Amber are moving back to work as he awaits news about which med school
wants to impart their knowledge to him.
And for the shrewd observers, the cute girl on Jeff's back in last year's Christmas
picture was the one and only Amber, and no your memory is not evading you, they
weren't engaged. They had to wait to make it memorable. They got engaged on the
same day as Robert and Janet, just a short 33 years later. And as a side note,
Jeff and Amber have no swagger and will not be purchasing a swagger wagon
anytime soon.
I think that about wraps it all up. Have a Merry Christmas!
And if it gets to you after Christmas: Happy New Year! And if it gets to you
after January 1st, 2014: We're sorry.
The Shirts family
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