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How am I feeling? Good question. The past couple of weeks have been exhausting because of the lack of sleep. My hips and bladder are SO ready to have this baby, but everything else is not. Just about every two hours I am up to go to the bathroom and the other hour and a half are full of trying to find a comfortable position. The other half hour I get to sleep! This equals about three hours a sleep a night! Poor Jeff also gets the brunt of my uncomfortable nights. It is not just the woman that has it hard. He never gets a restful night with me tossing and turning and throwing off the blankets. How can a pregnant woman get so hot!?! He also is there to comfort and massage when my anxiety is about to make me explode! He has a big job! Not only that, but he gets up and works 40 hours a week and prepares for medical school that is going to start in only three weeks! 

I never thought I would be one to go over 40 weeks, but here I am. I only ever grew up hearing stories of babies that have come early. I knew how to deal with that, but this, not at all.  At this point you begin to loose sight and believe you will be pregnant forever. People try to comfort you and tell you otherwise but it just doesn't sink in, or even hit the surface. Ya, the doctor says that he will not allow this baby to stay in after 41 weeks. But is that really going to happen.... In this girl's mind that is now foggy with so many emotions... NO. Sorry doctor, you are going to work your magic and it is not going to work on this girl. Am I being ridiculous? Yes, I know I am. But we have tried it ALL!!! Every one has their secret on how to start labor. We did them all, you say it, we have done it, and no baby. 

Yesterday morning, 7.18.14, at 10:15am my doctor had me come in and he put this in me:

A Foley Balloon Cervix Catheter

It was not painful, just some uncomfortable pressure. That is until I stood up and the contractions started. After 11 hours it fell out all on its own. At that point I knew that I had dilated to 3 or a 4. It is true that contractions have a deep ache that HURTS!But when you know the pain leads to something amazing it is easier to try and relax as you suffer through! Even though I am feeling contractions, my mind is still having a hard time believing that I am going to see my little boy in the near future. Maybe I will not give in until I am in the hospital. Either way I will have to believe when he gets placed on my chest. That is the moment I can not wait for! 

Come on little man help me make all this ranting be an irrelevant thing of the past!!!

"Pregnancy is getting company inside one's skin" Week 38

What do I feel now at 38 weeks:

exhaustion

always needing to pee

like my pelvic bone is going to break in half

my lady parts are on fire

my floating ribs are ALWAYS tender because a little mister really likes to kick them

nauseous

always thirsty

la duzi (I wrote it in chinese for the sake of saving some amount of embarrassment)  

lower back and lower abdomen cramping

braxton hicks 

bloated hands and feet

achy feet and legs

an itchy belly that I am always slathering with oil

&

SO MUCH EXCITEMENT

SO MUCH LOVE For a BOY I haven't even met yet

Relaxed 

(because of my incredible husband and family)

& Never Lonely

...

"Running errands and talking on the phone,

I am pleasantly reminded that I am not alone.

Little tiny hands, a precious rounded knee

pushing and twisting that no one can see

Oh sweet child pushing up your heels,

it is our little secret that only I can feel,

I look forward to your birth,

when I can kiss your skin,

but for now I will embrace

this time

that you are only mine"

...

I am grateful for all the bonding time we have had! It is fun to see how he can recognize my voice. On the random times that he is still I will talk and place my hand on my belly and I will always get a confirmation movement under my hand that he is there. On the opposite circumstances that I begin to think that I have a disco ball in me because of the party that is taking place I will speak and his movements cease. 

Speaking of movements my belly is still always moving in all directions. I heard that by this time in pregnancy the baby usually stops a majority of his moving because of lack of room. Well, I am here to inform you that this little guy has not gotten that memo. He is good about it though. About two months ago he turned into the perfect position, head down (very low I might add)and with all his fancy dance skills he has remained dancing and twisting up side down!

Wanting to get ready for baby I have been tie dying baby clothes, washing and organizing everything, taking a birthing class that Jeff and I just loved, and sewing cloth diaper inserts. Yes, cloth diapers is the route we have chosen! How else can a medical student and his wife who is going to be a stay at home mom afford diapers, you don't. Also I love how much better for the environment they are! Did you know that it takes any where from 250 to 500 years for a disposable diaper to decompose? I took a class that gave me some great advice but if anyone out there has found any tips in the cloth diapering world please share! 

Being pregnant seems like an open invitation for others to give you advice. Advice about pregnancy, LABOR, and being a mom. Yes, it gets annoying, but I know I have been there giving it too, so I try to listen and learn and sometimes ignore. All this advice though as has gotten me thinking. We are always trying to find a purpose in life. To find confidence at what we are doing, to actually be good at something. To enjoy each day. For this reason, even though I have heard hundreds of warnings, I want to support my husband and enter these next years of mayhem. He will stress and study in medical school. And I will most likely barely see him. But in the end he will be happy knowing his purpose and competent in doing so.I am beginning to realize there is nothing more important.

For me, right now, I feel like I have a purpose. For the first time I am truly excited about my "job"!!! And in two weeks I start!!!

This is cheesy, but I am truly grateful for what LOVE can do!!! 

"We dare be brave
And suddenly we see
That love costs all we are
And will ever be.
Yet it is only love
Which sets us free."
~Maya Angelou 

(week 36 photo)

We have been having a lot of fun with photo shooting this little guy, and he isn't even here yet! The nephews had fun joining in with us too :)

 We thought a hippie van was only fitting!

It took me a long time to find it, but this is his coming home from the hospital outfit! 

Washing and getting them all smelly fresh!!

Fun with Christopher and Benjamin

Not only is Jeff a great photographer but an excited doctor in training!

Adorable little hands trying to find the baby!!

and then the blankets drying on the clothes line were found by these little hands

You can't pass up this face!

Spoiled by Mom

A Mom's Love

Growing up is such an interesting aspect of life. As children we completely lean on our parents. They are comfort, safety, entertainers, perfect people, teachers, doctors, and so much more. As we grow there is fight in us to be independent but to keep that idea of our parents perfection for as long as possible. All of their aspects that I mentioned before is the hope we hold on to as we grow and see that the world is not as friendly of a place that we had imagined. Leaving for college was hard to leave that security and safety behind. For the first time when I had a question or a worry I had to turn to my own methods to make the right decision. Mom was not there as a quick reference. Then we find a spouse and all of our hope of happiness turns to that person. But then that person and our parents make mistakes and we have to learn more. We have to understand that we are all are just normal people who do our best. BUT the miracle that lies through all of life is LOVE. We learn that our parents never stop loving us, and what we felt for them all a long was love too. 

Now that I have less than a month before I am a mom I am understanding that I have no idea how to be a perfect mom. It is scary to think that he is going to look at me with those eyes of pure trust. He is going to think that I am all those things that I thought my parents were. He will go through all those stages that I had to as he grows. As scared that I am of those trusting eyes I am even more scared for him to look at me and know that he is learning that I am not everything. But just like I KNOW that my mom will always LOVE me I know that I will ALWAYS love him.

My mom came to visit me these past two weeks! We had so much fun! I am still amazed at my mom's energy :) She keeps me going! She is going to be an amazing grandma! Can't wait to see her when she comes back when this little guy decides to show up.  

 All the presents she brought, we went shopping too. She spoiled me!!

  

Oh The Places You'll Go! Third Trimester Update

I am in LOVE with 

this little man Already! 

In the ultrasound he looked as if his face had distinct cheekbones, big lips, and Jeff's chin. I can hardly wait to see what exactly our little boy looks like! Can't wait to cuddle him and watch his personality grow! Is he going to be a little boy with a sweet calm personality or will he be strong willed and energetic? In just a matter of less than two months our family is going to have an addition and God has chosen who he is! 

"Labor is the only blind date where you know you will meet the love of your life."

Creation is beautiful and full of God's Love! In those moments before, during, and after labor must be one of those moments that we feel the space between the spirit world and ours the closest. I can hardly wait to feel it with my family!

If I could ignore getting up multiple times in the night to pee because of my squished bladder, restless legs that keep me awake, and my hip that is fighting my ligaments to stay in place, oh and fainting, than this experience of growing a human would be perfection. 

Even though it is not perfect I couldn't be more happy! Everyday I am amazed at the miracle my body is performing. All on its own it knows how to produce the correct hormones and stretch a certain way to allow this little guy to grow. I feel like I get to stand by and see a phenomenon take place. He is constantly moving. He is big enough now that I can always find his little bony bum up by my left ribs and his feet kicking my right side. The other day we played high five next to by belly button! Somehow I never get bored resting with my hand on my growing belly and feeling for each movement. How can it be that cells so minute only eight months ago have now multiplied to the point that they have formed into strong limbs that push in all directions making my stomach move in weird ways? Truly Incredible!! 

I can not even mention how grateful I am for Jeff! I've never felt like I am alone in this pregnancy. He has never missed a doctors appointment! He is a comfort and listens to every complaint with compassion. He also listens to the continual baby talk :) We had our first birthing class this past week and I could not have asked for a better companion! He shares his strength with me. I know his strength will pull me through the pains of labor.   

Europe was great for keeping me active! At my prenatal appointment I was happy to hear that during my two months away I only gained 5.5 pounds! Since being home though it has felt too good to relax and not have to walk miles everyday! I have sat on my bum, that I must admit is a little softer than it has been, and have loved soaking in the sun while reading and playing with nephews. I am grateful to Janet for getting me out most days for some exercise! My favorite so far has been our three mile activity: Jeff running back and forth next to us, Janet quick walking, and me riding the bike :) 

Week 32

Happy Memorial Day

Week 33 Photo

I love the updates my phone app tells me. According to this week our little guy is a 4 pound 17 inch pineapple :)

Glucose Test

When we first got home my doctor had me take the routine Glucose test. The test included me drinking this "fabulous" sugared drink and then getting my blood drawn. 

Sadly I failed the first test which meant I could possibly have gestational diabetes. I had to go back for another test. But at this test I drank this lovely drink again, double the sugar as before. I chugged it down. You do not want that flavor in your mouth for long. I had been fasting for 12 hours. Quickly after drinking the sweetness I became really nauseous and light headed. Who wouldn't? I had to stay at the lab for three hours as they continuously took more blood. Janet, my mother-in-law kindly stayed and waited out the long process with me. We had a hard time watching the lab ladies do a horrible job poking me. I should have been stabbed only 4 times, but after breaking blood vessels and other troubles I was stabbed 10 times. Oh fun! :(

 This is the elbow that does not have a bandage.

After all the pain we got good news!! I passed! No diabetes for this Momma!!

Baby Shower #2

My extraordinary sister-in-laws threw me an adorable baby shower with the best theme:

Oh The Places You'll Go 

Everything was full of color and so many great friends came to celebrate! Thank you so much for all the love and support to everyone who helped, came, and gave!

 The Sweets were SO CUTE!!! I couldn't have asked for anything more festive!

 Jeff as always was a great help! 

 photo bomb :)

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

Dr. Seuss